Let’s move on to the new and exciting topic of Harm OCD.
I apologize for the insanely long delay between posts. I went on vacation, my dog tore her ccl, and a family member had a medical emergency.
Disclaimer: I am not a doctor, therapist, social worker, etc. Nothing in this article is to be perceived as medical or treatment advice. This is for educational and entertainment purposes only.
What is Harm OCD?
Harm OCD is unwanted, intrusive thoughts of a violent or tragic nature, including but not limited to: fears related to harming yourself or other. Jon Hershfield, MFT, Tom Corboy, MFT, Mindfulness Workbook for OCD, p. 117. 2013. That was a long citation, but I really recommend getting/reading that book. I will eventually be doing a review of it. Also, I know my citations are a bit weird, but I cite using legal citations.
So, let’s run through some of the fun issues with this type of OCD:
- You use a knife and have a thought about stabbing someone in the room with you.
- You worry about losing control and hurting someone.
- You worry about losing control and hurting yourself.
- You worry you’ll drop a baby.
- You worry you’re actually an aggressive person and you’re hiding it from everyone.
- You worry you actually harmed someone when you met them, or talked to them, or even just walked by them.
So, obviously these all sound like a great time. If you had a normal brain, these thoughts would come into your brain and leave in short order. If you’re unfortunately like me, these thoughts can enter your brain and cause a reaction of anxiety and compulsions.
My First Experience With Harm OCD
I probably had other experiences, but this one stuck out to me the most. It happened in college at my first job. I had just made a coffee with the keurig. As I’m walking back to my desk, I end up chatting with a co-worker, as you do. While I’m chatting with the co-worker, I have this thought of, “what if I splash this scalding coffee on them.” I had that thought and then excused myself and walked back to my desk.
This thought came out of nowhere and shook me. One because I don’t see myself as a violent person and two because I enjoyed talking to this co-worker. For days I obsessed about how I must be a terrible person for having that thought. Could I have lost control and actually done that?
To you, this might seem like a stupid story, or you may see me as a psychopath. I saw myself as a psychopath. I also want to be clear that this happened about 5 years before my GAD diagnosis and 8 years before my OCD diagnosis. I didn’t even know what anxiety disorder or OCD were at this time. I just thought I was a monster. I am going to use this story to help discuss what I did afterwards that many people do with Harm OCD and OCD in general.
Avoidance
I started avoiding that co-worker. I also started avoiding getting coffee if I knew anyone would be near. I had to get coffee when others were at lunch or going to the bathroom. Avoidance of possible triggers is a main compulsion of Harm OCD.
- If you had a thought that you were going to grab a knife and stab someone, you may hide all of your knives or even throw them away.
- If you have a thought about dropping a baby, you may avoid being around babies and also your friends who have babies.
You get the idea. You avoid the trigger to avoid the subsequent anxiety. Here’s the secret about Harm OCD, everyone has thoughts like that. Those without OCD just don’t even notice the thoughts.
So how did I get over my Harm OCD? You guessed it! ERP.
- Accept the thought, don’t fight it.
- I would drink and brew coffee near loved ones. I slowly built up to walking near people with my coffee. Then standing and talking to people with an iced coffee, then lukewarm, then just brewed coffee.
Now, I’m not suggesting you grab a knife and just start talking to people with a knife in your hand, or asking to hold random babies. I used imaginary exposures for my Harm OCD as well as the above coffee exposure.
Harm OCD can be a pain, but with ERP, it’s possible to take control of your life!
Leave a comment about your Harm OCD story. I’m going to try to post every Friday from now on. So there shouldn’t be as long of a break in between posts as there was previously.
Thanks for reading!